5 November 2009


For many months I have been battling with ACCA UK to get some "performance objectives" signed off my someone at work.

The story begins back in Feb 09 when I actually completed them on paper but of course in these modern times, it is possible to do this online and thus I completed my form and submitted for review. However the partner in my office could not access my submitted answers for some reason and ask me to resolve this with the ACCA.

After 8 months of phoning and complaining I thought enough was enough and decided a letter was in order to highlight my plight. I contemplated my styles of letters from the confrontational to just stating the basis fact but instead between my boyfriend and I, we came up with the following letter. Warning this is a very long letter.

Dear Sir or Madam

Experience has long been a problem in business, both obtaining it and proving that you have it. Thankfully, however, I am a student accountant with the ACCA. In their nigh-infinite wisdom, the ACCA has seen a solution to the second half of this problem, the world-renowned on-line trainee development matrix.

Through the grace of my employer, **** ****** ***, I have had some experience in effective communication, the evaluation and computation of taxes and have prepared for audits and collected evidence while at audits. Like so many others I wish to become an economically viable member of society. My chosen path through the woods of life to this goal requires me to be able to prove that I possess relevant experience. Thus I was driven to navigate the wonders and mysteries of the internet and access the online trainee development matrix. I took three of the challenges that lay within this matrix answering the three times three questions posed with all the resourcefulness that I possessed on the subjects "communicate effectively", "evaluate and compute taxes payable" and "prepare for and collect evidence for audit". Pleased with my efforts I sent the answers away to their destination and retreated to more well-trod and familiar areas of the web. This was in late January.

The sun rose and fell, rose and fell again. The months changed and February blew in, bringing its cold weather and lengthening days. On one such day, one of the higher beings that inhabit my office asked to communicate with me, with trepidation I approached **** ******* my training manager, and respectfully inquired what I had done to draw his attention. Those answers that I had so carefully formulated had yet to appear before him. He had dutifully followed the link sent to him and found, in the relevant drop-down box of trainees that my name did not appear. Thus there were no answers and nothing to accept. Fleeing his displeasure, I took the only route available to be and contacted the ACCA connect helpline. Surely they would help me assuage my manager?

At length and with care I explained my perilous predicament. The disembodied voice responded that they would forward the query to the IT department who would investigate and resolve the issue, explaining that a month would pass before the answers would be available. Much time passed, yet still the answers didn’t appear. My manager, whose ire had increased in the time that had passed, demanded that I should to redouble my efforts to obtain a solution, since my name was still absent from the list and my experience was thus unrecognised. I called once more, the ensuing conversation with a distant voice at the ACCA connect helpline followed much the same path as last time. Despite my entreaties that they contact me with a solution, I was left lonely and forlorn in the following days.

Over the following months I periodically mustered the courage to try again, but to no avail. One such occasion, I helpfully cautioned that this difficulty had occurred once before, many moons ago and far, far away, when I worked for an organisation called BOC plc in Sheffield. I further detailed how merely re-sending the email did not remove the problem, there the other voice had given the following solution: that an IT worker should "un-submit" the challenge questions, I would "de-activate" the training the manager, “add” the training manager back into the system and "re-submit" the questions. The current voice answered, commandingly, that this solution was too time consuming. Accepting this, I asked that they do what they feel is best and waited; hopeful that the considerable knowledge of the ACCA connect helpline would suffice to overcome any and all difficulties. No solution was proffered, no comfort provided. Every time the phone rang I leapt to it, my heart soaring with dreams of a fix, but alas, never did the ACCA connect helpline call me back with a method to restore my standing with the great consciousnesses that exist within my firm.

Twice did the seasons change, no cure had arrived, my actions had borne no fruit. Summoned to a meeting with two mighty beings from my office, I was commanded to go forth and solve this problem. I feebly offered the option of completing a paper assessment and sending that via post to the ACCA. This was not acceptable to the two stern countenances before me, for such a method is outdated, wasteful and against my company's paperless policy. This was on the 13 October 2009.

I plead and beg and beseech you to offer me succour, to lift me from this miserable state that I and my experience have fallen into. I will provide whatever you should ask of me, should you need further information.

Wishing for a kinder, gentler, more provably experienced world,

We thought this was funny and sent it off to the ACCA customer relation department.

On 22 October, I received a letter telling me that they have received my letter. They will take my comments on board and a full investigation will be carried out to identify the issues that I have raised. Of course I had to allow them 14 days for a reply. All good so far!

Well on Tuesday this week, success!!! The partner in my office signed off my objectives HOORAY! And today exactly 14 days from when they received my first letter I received another one telling me they have completed their investigation and told me what went wrong.

What I can't tell is if my humorous letter help but I like to think they took a bit more notice because it wasn't the standard insulting letter.

1 comment:

Walter said...

:) Definitely funny. A bit long-winded but you did get your points across in a clear manner. Hahaha (ROFL) , you sound like someone from Shakespeare's time.
Hurray for you, Kitty and BOO for those bureaucratic ***** ** ******** (words not suitable for publication on a site accessible to minors ;)